George Constanza claimed to have invented the “It’s not you, it’s me” breakup line. He then goes on to elaborate, “Nobody tells me it’s them, not me. If it’s anybody, it’s me.” People are guilty of using this cliché to let someone down easily but we know the opposite can be the more truthful statement. It’s not me, it’s you.
I was recently cleaning out some files from a previous job and I came across a piece of paper that hung in my office as an affirmation of how I was trying to lead my team. This isn’t a Steve Jobs motivational quote or a picture of a cat encouraging me to “Hang in there.” This was actually something I lifted from an article listing the five things a bad boss does. Preferring to be more proactive, I re-wrote it in the affirmative to read as all the things a good leader does and hung it on the wall directly in front of my desk and in plain sight for anyone to see.
I had a horrible boss at the time. He regularly committed most of the “don’t do” items on the original edition of the list and, over time, his poor leadership drove me to start questioning my own abilities. It drives me nuts I can’t remember where I found this because it was a massive help to me when I needed it most. I realized it wasn’t me; it was him that had failed. Sometimes it really is someone else who has screwed up and you can accept that’s on them.
It’s not me, it is you.
Below is the list and if you are a leader of people, ask yourself if you are doing these things. If you aren’t why?
- Don’t question everything. Trust your peoples’ knowledge or experience or unique expertise. Don’t bulldoze in on every decision and make snap judgements based on what limited information you’ve been able to glean from a status report or something you overheard while refilling your coffee.
- Don’t abandon ship. Have an employee’s back. Never call an individual out and shame him or her when some element of a project goes sideways.
- Don’t play favorites. Acknowledge each employee’s strengths and weaknesses and use this understanding to build powerfully effective teams. Don’t choose one “pet” employee who does one thing well and hold them up as the standard by which all performance must be measured.
- Lead with requests, not demands. Give people time to complete the task and don’t ask for things in a shorter time frame just to sit on the decision or action for weeks. Ask for their participation and input- resist dictating it. Show them the “WIIFM.” (What’s In It For Me)
- Never intimidate, obfuscate or manipulate. Remember that the atmosphere you create for your team starts with you. Be consistent in how you respond to issues. Don’t alternate between bouts of compassion and irrational flares of rage. Be transparent as much as possible with information.
So what did I miss? Leave a comment below to add to the list or challenge one I have listed.